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Gaz Deserves More Than a Sex Worker

A couple of weeks ago I found myself in the black hole of a social media comment argument, somewhere I’d never visited before because, well, I’m not sad. The Meet-Cute:

A very funny feminist post stated that “Guys who shame female sex workers should have their internet history exposed”. Hilarious. Kinda hoping it comes true. (Big Data - can we sort something here?) Anyway, as I created Sex and The Society to create conversation and inspire change, rather than flip my phone off when a man, Gaz, replied to my supportive comment on said post, I stretched my fingers and went to digital war. Gaz didn’t like my comment that sex work can be empowering. He didn’t like it all. He reckoned that ‘respectable men’ don’t marry sex workers and ‘respectable women’ don’t marry broke men. The issues here are: 1. Respectable men and women are every man and woman. I mean as long as you’re not committing horrific crimes. ‘Respectable’ as an adjective is just such a gross word. The fact that Gaz uses this term pretty much sums up his mind set. And by the way, in my time as a stripper, I had all walks of life between my thighs, and 3 guys tell me they love me in the year I danced. Sorry gaz, 1 point to me. 2. The point in question here is empowerment. I stated it can be empowering. This doesn’t equate to getting married, whether to a ‘respectable’ man or not. The fact that I found it empowering does not mean I will or won’t marry a ‘respectable’ man. Which I probably won’t because ‘these’ men tend to have mindsets like our Gaz. Another point to me. The pillow talk moved on, and we discussed evidence of empowering sex work over a blue-lit phone screen. Gaz said his mum would ‘kick his ass’ if he brought a sex worker home, because ‘she knows he deserve more’. The issues here are: 1. Sex workers aren’t worth any more or any less than anyone out here in this sexist world, doing any other job. They aren’t. It makes me sad that people have this mindset. It angers me that people see sex workers as less than the others around them. 2. Gaz was proud to say he deserved more than a sex worker. What Gaz failed to mention, or think of, was that if his male friend said he was off to ‘throw a few bucks at a stripper’ (Gaz’s words) he’d de-friend them because he ‘deserved more’. Why did Gaz not mention this? Because Gaz wouldn’t de-friend him. He wouldn’t care, and I can bet all my cold-hard-stripper-cash that Gaz has had his face between stripper tits. So, Gaz thinks he deserves more. His point that he deserves more from a wife, but never put a thought into what he deserves from a male friend on the other end of sex work, very plainly and very simply illustrates the misogynist, sexist mindset I’m chomping at the bit to fight. He never thought about whether he ‘deserves more’ from a friend that goes to strip clubs because in his world, that’s okay. That’s a guy blowing a few off, having a drink, seeing the pussy of a girl twenty years younger than his wife, and putting it on the company card. It’s a guys’ night, no biggie. But that stripper that isn’t worth as much as his friend isn’t respectable, she isn’t ‘wife material, she’s of much less value. You haven’t got to be respectable to see that this shit doesn’t add up. The sex worker is paying her bills, buying a new house, funding her own business, paying for family medical treatment, and getting her degree the next morning. Or she’s chilling all day watching Netflix. Or she’s working all day at another job. She’s doing whatever the fuck she wants. The fact that she gives guys the chance to see her naked body, AND PAY HER FOR IT, doesn’t change her worth. Apart from the fact that she’s probably rich as fuck and financially worth more than your average. I respect my stripper friends more than I respect Gaz and men like him. I don’t have any respect for those men. My stripper friends never judge me, they’ve driven me to A&E at Saturday night prime cash money time, made me feel confident as fuck, fake tanned my arse cheeks, done my hair while I scoff my tea before going on stage, the list goes on. They gave me the best experience of my life, a funny ass family and helped to make me the girl I am. Their mindsets are worth a million. If you’re a Gaz, your mindset breeds hate. Your mindset is worth nothing. And hate for no reason, why do you care that someone makes their money differently to you? Why do you spend your time searching for feminist content, on feminist profiles, using feminist hashtags, just to tell those feminists you’re dumb as fuck in the comments? You’ve gained nothing. You didn’t take the learning opportunity I gave you in our ‘discussion’, you decided you preferred to be angry about something that doesn’t effect you. I can promise you that sex workers couldn’t give a fuck what you think. They’re way too busy being happy in their own lives and counting the cash your friends paid them last night.

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